Breathe, Just Breathe

In, out.
In, out.

I know, I know. There are times when life can seem so overwhelming, and you feel so lost in the world. Believe me, I know. That sense that you're in a race, and just inches behind the next runner, but no matter how hard you push yourself, you can't catch up. There's always something new, always another thing on that to-do list.

I find that I get trapped in what needs to be done a lot. I can't focus on the task in front of me, because I'm too worried about what needs to be done next, and after that. Then there's the added pressure of prioritizing. Does the homework assignment due tomorrow come first? Or does the outline for the huge project due at the end of the week come first? Add friends, and drama, and family, and other school work into the equation, and you're buried head to toe in things that you need to get done before you can sleep for the night.

You feel like you're drowning. You kick your feet, and you push at the water with your arms, but you just can't stay above long enough to take a deep breath. Yeah, life can feel like that sometimes. When you're going, going, going all the time, never taking a moment to stop and smell the roses, you feel lost and exhausted.

So let me tell you, it's time to stop. Breath in, and breathe out. Smell the roses. It is spring-time, after all, the flowers are blooming rapidly. For just a couple of seconds, forget about the long list of things that need to be done, and breathe, just breathe. Take the time to appreciate the wonderful person you are, and the wonderful gifts that God has given you.

Perfection

Constantly, I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I need to have perfect grades, perfect organization, I can't have fights with my friends, I need to be a good friend to every one of my friends equally. And when I mess up it drives me insane. It's extremely difficult for me take a step back and take a deep breath most of the time, but it's something that really needs to be done.
For a while, I thought that I had everything under control, all of my ducks in a row, but then a lot changed. Suddenly I couldn't stop the wall of perfection that I had built around myself from crashing down, and it was terrible. I used to be the person who when hanging out in a large group of friends and something went wrong, everyone instantly put me in charge, trusting that I knew what to do.
Then, I felt as though everyone was walking on eggshells around me, carefully watching what they said, being cautious so not as to crack the calm facade that we all knew I wore. It was only in the past month or two that I began to fix things. Not necessarily gain the "perfection" that I thought I used to have, but pick up the pieces and start to put them back together. One night, I prayed the same prayer to God that I had been praying for so many weeks, maybe even months.

Why can't I be "That Girl" again? "That Girl" who always had everything together, who was always happy, who could always handle any crisis carefully? Lord, what happened to me? That's the person who you created. Not this.

It was as I sat on my bed that night, that God spoke to me again. He gave an exasperated sigh, and finally the message that He had been sending me throughout my difficulties (as well as my happiness, but it wasn't until life became difficult that I stopped hearing the message) came through loud and clear. It was as if God was saying, "Don't you see, Abby? I love you. There isn't anything that can be done to change that. I love you. I love you just the way you are. Why can't you see yourself clearly?"
And then I did. God opened my eyes up to the girl He sees when He looks at me. God doesn't see that breakout, God doesn't see that my hair isn't sitting exactly right. God doesn't see that mean thought I had anymore, God doesn't see the mistakes that I've made any longer. What God does see, is Perfection.
True Perfection, is not the perfect grades, great friendships, and the ability to know what to do in tough situations that I was striving for. True Perfection is trusting in God, and living for Him. True Perfection cannot be achieved in any other way than through God. God loves us so, so much, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life" John 3:16. You are loved. I am loved. We are loved.
God made each and everyone of us special, just the way He wants us. We need to remember that God does not make junk. During those times when we no longer believe in ourselves, when we no longer love who we are, we must realize that there is absolutely nothing that can pull us away from God's love.
Absolutely nothing.