Watching the Footprints

A friend and I were talking earlier tonight about tough times that each of us has been through in our lives. We didn't leave it at that, though, because that's not where the story ended. We each made it through everything thrown in our path, eventually, and we've each become better because of the trials.

Last year on Youth Sunday at Church I shared my story of what I refer to as "hell year", a shorter version of the story can be found in my post from April first, 2011 titled "Perfection". God brought me through everything, even when I spent hours screaming at Him, for what, I do not know. I fell apart last year, and it is only now that I look back on it in it's entirety, brokenness, healing, and all, that I realize how amazing God's grace is.

At the time, I thought it would never end. I thought that I would be stuck in that rut forever, but look at me now, I've made it through! Often times I hear the quote "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it" and though it's easy to believe in times of inner peace, it can appear questionable during times of turmoil. Perspective can be hard to gain. Now, if you know me, you probably know that I'm usually rather optimistic, often times irritatingly so, but there have still been times when all I wanted to do was throw my hands in the air and give up. Heck, there have been times when I actually have thrown my hands in the air and given up.

But that doesn't mean that God did. He was always right beside me, He still is always right there, even when I don't see it. And now, with around a years worth of hindsight I can see exactly where God was last year. I can see where He was working to get into my thick head, where I fought against Him, and where I gave in to Him. I can see that the single pair of footsteps in the sand belong not to me, but to God.

Who are you?

Who am I? Who am I in this big world that so many billions of us humans call home?

Well, I am Abby. I am a brown haired, brown eyed girl, with friends and family who have a never-ending flow of love and support. I am a writer and a dreamer, a believer and an optimist. I am a usually happy person, and I'm a bit stubborn. I don't wear matching socks, and I don't have very much patience. I am Abby, and that's good enough for me.

There is a quote that my homeroom teacher has hanging in her classroom, from Bill Cosby, "The key to failure is trying to please everyone." Be who you are, and embrace it. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough, or that you shouldn't be the way you are, because, and believe me, I know this is said a lot, but it's because it's true, if someone doesn't like you, it's their loss. There are multiple billions of people on the Earth, and how many of them are exactly like you? What's that? That's right. Absolutely nobody else can replace you in the world. So don't let anyone change you, because in the end it's hurting everyone who you come into contact with, because those people are missing the amazing beautiful person that you are.

So, I ask, who are you? Do you know exactly what your answer is? Or do you still have a lot to discover? Either of those, and anywhere in between, is absolutely perfectly okay, so long as it's yourself that you are and/or are discovering. The world wants to see the beautiful person who you are, not a fake mask that society has taught you to wear, so throw the mask off, and declare to all of the Earth who you are.

No Matter What...

...Trust in God

You know, I have a lot of friends who look down on me sometimes because of mistakes I've made. Or because of how I look at situations. I am extremely optimistic, that's just how I am. I look to the future and I think big, I dream, I hope. And yes, lot's of times I get let down. But there are many more times when I achieve so much more than I ever could if I wasn't dreaming. It's in those times, when I know that something is a long shot, that I really learn to trust God. I ask Him to help me, to lead me, and to guide me. I know that this world that God has made is beautiful, full of awesome opportunities, and I know that He has a plan for each of us. If I'm always pessimistic, always looking on the bad side of things, how am I ever going to try something new, or see a new opportunity that God has for me?

I can make stupid mistakes sometimes. We all can. Mistakes that we look back on and we laugh at our stupidity. Mistakes that are made in a situation that we probably should've already known what to do in. For example, as a teenager I have adults all around me trying to help me with perspective on situations and the world. A lot of advice that my peers and I have been given lately revolves around dating relationships. We are told that while dating can be fun at our age, the likelihood of these relationships ending in marriage is very low, and that it is silly to think we are in love with a person after knowing them for only days. But sometimes we just need to test that out. We dream big, and sometimes we fall flat on our faces. God, though, is always there to lift us up, telling us to try again, or to try differently.

Think about it. When we are pessimistic all the time, or we let what we are being taught (even if we trust the people teaching us) hold us back, we can't achieve what God wants for us. So sometimes we fail, sometimes we mess up, sometimes we get hurt. And maybe that was in God's plan, and maybe it wasn't. But God always uses everything in our lives for the better, even if we can't see it. We learn lessons that we wouldn't have learned otherwise. Or maybe the bad thing that has happened actually stopped something worse from happening. We may never know. We need to trust that God loves us, though, and that He wants the best for us.

Everyone holds themselves back from things. Everyone. We've all had those little inward battles with ourselves, those fights that happen inside our minds. For instance, there's another student walking down the hall who drops his books.

I know that I should go and help him, I know it, but if I do, I might be late for class. Or maybe he doesn't want my help. What if someone makes fun of me? But then again, what if he just needs someone to be there for him? What if he thinks nobody cares? Plus it's what Jesus would do.

See? You know what I'm talking about. And very often when we have those little fights in our mind, we end up doing the wrong thing. We hold ourselves back from doing God's work in the world. So I guess that my advice to you, and to myself, today is to not hold yourself back. Dream big, pray, and trust in God. When you hear God telling you to do something, take that leap of faith, and do it, no matter what the consequences could be. Let the love of God shine through you.

Proud to be Imperfect

Okay, so I know that I'm about to write a major contradiction to one of my earlier posts, but just stick with me, and you'll understand what I mean.

I'm proud to be imperfect. I know that earlier I said that we are all perfect, and we are, in God's eyes. That doesn't necessarily mean that all other human beings see us as perfect, but honestly, I'm proud of my imperfections. I'm happy that I make mistakes.

For so long I did everything in my power, and then some, to try and be perfect. I was always responsible, always on time, always doing my best not to make mistakes. I never took risks, I was always staying within my comfort zone. But that weighs a person down. The constant making sure that I've done everything right, the constant self-scrutiny, the constant pressure to be perfect. Making sure not to hurt anyone's feelings, making sure that I keep myself protected from anyone who could hurt me. And I don't mean physically hurt me, because that is a GOOD thing to do. I'm talking about mentally or emotionally. I hid from everything, but not anymore.

We're teenagers. We are supposed to make mistakes. This is the time to be reckless and carefree, and do something crazy now and then. Trying to be perfect is too tiring, and no fun at all. It isn't a way to live, because it isn't really living at all. There is no possible way to learn all of life's lessons without making mistakes, there is just no way. We've got to be comfortable enough in our own skin to be able to pick ourselves back up after making a mistake, and saying, alright, it didn't work out right that time, so let's try this a little bit differently. So smile a little bit wider, laugh a little bit louder, flirt a little bit more, sing a little bit off key, and dance a little bit crazier.

Perfection

Constantly, I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I need to have perfect grades, perfect organization, I can't have fights with my friends, I need to be a good friend to every one of my friends equally. And when I mess up it drives me insane. It's extremely difficult for me take a step back and take a deep breath most of the time, but it's something that really needs to be done.
For a while, I thought that I had everything under control, all of my ducks in a row, but then a lot changed. Suddenly I couldn't stop the wall of perfection that I had built around myself from crashing down, and it was terrible. I used to be the person who when hanging out in a large group of friends and something went wrong, everyone instantly put me in charge, trusting that I knew what to do.
Then, I felt as though everyone was walking on eggshells around me, carefully watching what they said, being cautious so not as to crack the calm facade that we all knew I wore. It was only in the past month or two that I began to fix things. Not necessarily gain the "perfection" that I thought I used to have, but pick up the pieces and start to put them back together. One night, I prayed the same prayer to God that I had been praying for so many weeks, maybe even months.

Why can't I be "That Girl" again? "That Girl" who always had everything together, who was always happy, who could always handle any crisis carefully? Lord, what happened to me? That's the person who you created. Not this.

It was as I sat on my bed that night, that God spoke to me again. He gave an exasperated sigh, and finally the message that He had been sending me throughout my difficulties (as well as my happiness, but it wasn't until life became difficult that I stopped hearing the message) came through loud and clear. It was as if God was saying, "Don't you see, Abby? I love you. There isn't anything that can be done to change that. I love you. I love you just the way you are. Why can't you see yourself clearly?"
And then I did. God opened my eyes up to the girl He sees when He looks at me. God doesn't see that breakout, God doesn't see that my hair isn't sitting exactly right. God doesn't see that mean thought I had anymore, God doesn't see the mistakes that I've made any longer. What God does see, is Perfection.
True Perfection, is not the perfect grades, great friendships, and the ability to know what to do in tough situations that I was striving for. True Perfection is trusting in God, and living for Him. True Perfection cannot be achieved in any other way than through God. God loves us so, so much, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life" John 3:16. You are loved. I am loved. We are loved.
God made each and everyone of us special, just the way He wants us. We need to remember that God does not make junk. During those times when we no longer believe in ourselves, when we no longer love who we are, we must realize that there is absolutely nothing that can pull us away from God's love.
Absolutely nothing.