Slowing Down From 60

"I'm in a hurry to get things done, oh I, rush and rush until life's no fun, all I really gotta do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why."

Being sixteen has made me think a lot about when I was little, because when I was little I had a lot of thoughts and imaginings that began with "When I'm sixteen I'll..." And very few of those statements have been found true, thus far. So much of my life has been spent fantasizing about the future. I'll be married at age twenty five, the mother of two by age thirty, maybe three by thirty five. And don't even get me started on college, I just want to skip through those four unpredictable and unknown years.

So wait, hold on a second. Isn't sixteen years old a pretty big year? So why am I constantly thinking about the future, constantly wishing my life away? What's the point in doing anything, if you only think about what you'll be doing years from now? It's time to take a breather and think about what I can do now. Who I can help, what new things I can try, who I'll meet, what effect I'll have on people's lives, how I deal with responsibilities.

I have to slow down, maybe even stop, and learn to live in the moment. 'Cause it's like the song says, at the end of this all, we are all going to die. It's true. Each and every one of us is going to die, and my hope is that the majority of us will end up in Heaven and eternal life with our Creator. But what about this years that we're given on Earth? I know that I don't want to spend my entire life just waiting to die. I want to have an effect on people here and now, I want to do great things right at this moment. I don't want to wait until I'm older, wiser, and more experienced. I want to make an impact right now. I want to enjoy these years, not wish them away.

I don't know about you, but right now I'm traveling sixty miles per hour down the most beautiful dirt road you'll ever find, and I need to slow down to see everything that I'm missing.

Watching the Footprints

A friend and I were talking earlier tonight about tough times that each of us has been through in our lives. We didn't leave it at that, though, because that's not where the story ended. We each made it through everything thrown in our path, eventually, and we've each become better because of the trials.

Last year on Youth Sunday at Church I shared my story of what I refer to as "hell year", a shorter version of the story can be found in my post from April first, 2011 titled "Perfection". God brought me through everything, even when I spent hours screaming at Him, for what, I do not know. I fell apart last year, and it is only now that I look back on it in it's entirety, brokenness, healing, and all, that I realize how amazing God's grace is.

At the time, I thought it would never end. I thought that I would be stuck in that rut forever, but look at me now, I've made it through! Often times I hear the quote "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it" and though it's easy to believe in times of inner peace, it can appear questionable during times of turmoil. Perspective can be hard to gain. Now, if you know me, you probably know that I'm usually rather optimistic, often times irritatingly so, but there have still been times when all I wanted to do was throw my hands in the air and give up. Heck, there have been times when I actually have thrown my hands in the air and given up.

But that doesn't mean that God did. He was always right beside me, He still is always right there, even when I don't see it. And now, with around a years worth of hindsight I can see exactly where God was last year. I can see where He was working to get into my thick head, where I fought against Him, and where I gave in to Him. I can see that the single pair of footsteps in the sand belong not to me, but to God.

Lord of the Dance

When we began to sing this song in the service at my church on Sunday morning my mind was focused on the idea of worship, because that was the focus of the youth service the same morning, and I was trying to figure out how this was worship. It seemed like a call to action to me, a call to worship in a way other than song.

It's a call to dance for our Lord. Does that mean literally dance? No, well, not always, though it certainly can, but rather, glorify God in everything you do, and do it with a cheerful heart. To follow the choreography that He has created for us, because "[He'll] lead [us] all wherever [we] may be". We have to do nothing but dance, awaiting to be led, and follow when we are.

"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back"-this line struck me so much that I wrote it on a scrap of paper during the service. When I think of what this is trying to say, my initial thought is that it's difficult to accept God's forgiveness when you can't manage to forgive yourself, but then with a second thought my mind went to what might be the obvious for most. It's difficult to follow God when you're already leading a life of sin. When you aren't willing to leave the path that you're on and follow God on His, and you falter in between, you end up very, very lost. Everyone strays from the path, but the important part is that you find your way back afterwards.

"I danced for the fishermen, for James and John; They came to me, and the dance went on"-this part goes right along with the one above. The fishermen were willing to drop their nets, drop what they were doing, and follow Jesus. Maybe God is calling you to do something as extreme as the fishermen, or maybe not. Whatever God is calling you to do, listen to Him. Dance your way down the path that Jesus has prepared for you.

Absolutely Terrifying Beauty

I'm part of a small group/Bible study for high school girls in my church, and as we were talking about having positive self-talk last night, my mom, one of our leaders, was responding to another comment that was made, and she said "Sometimes, faith is just having the courage to keep going." and for whatever reason, it has stuck with me.

Actually, I know the reason. It's because of how true it is. There are moments when the only two options that we have are to keep trying, or to quit, and in most of those situations, quitting would be so much easier. It's like life is some sort of maze, with wonders and terrors strewn through.

Sometimes it would be more fun, easier, to sit down right were we are in the maze and say, "Nope. Not anymore, God. I quit. I don't know what's coming next, and if it's anything like what's come before, I don't want it. It isn't worth it." We refuse to listen to God, and we sit stubbornly right in the middle of that maze. All we see when we look back at where we've been are the monsters that have tried to tear us apart, but what we're forgetting is that we've picked up those gorgeous gardens along the way, and keep them in our pocket right with us. So we quit. We've all been there before. I know that I sure have.

But then, there are times when we don't quit, when we trust God, and walk through this maze. We widen our eyes at ourselves, and shake our heads, in disbelief that we're actually choosing to continue on, but still we know that God has amazing things planned for us. This maze has twice as many wonders as terrors, and even more in disguise.

Sometimes it seems as though we're walking through the maze alone, or blindly, but truly, I tell you, both are lies. We are never alone, never. God does not leave our sides, not in the good times, and most definitely not in the bad times. He's no fair-weather-friend, this amazing God of ours. And best of all, not only is He with us, but God is leading us through it. If only we would let Him, He'll take our hands in His and lead us through the twists and turns. It's only when we stray from Him that we get lost and hit these dead ends, but eventually we'll find that He's following right behind us, just waiting for us to turn around and fall into His loving arms.

There's nothing more beautiful than the love of Jesus Christ, and there's nothing more terrifying than living the life that He has for you. But when you put it together you aren't left with monsters and horrors. What you're left with is absolutely terrifying beauty. And there isn't anything more amazing than that.

So, yeah, doing God's work in the world takes an explicit amount of faith, but sometimes just continuing on takes even more. You'll see, though, that He never fails, never ever, and if you just turn around in this maze, you'll see Jesus waiting with arms outstretched to hold you and love you. So answer me this, will you turn around and let Him carry you?