More to Us

I can't undo the things that led us to this place

But I know there's something more to us than our mistakes

How difficult is it for everyone to look past mistakes? To look beyond imperfections? To ignore faults? It's seemingly impossible. Trying to find the good, and overlooking the bad, is probably one of the most difficult things that we'll try to accomplish in our lifetimes. I know that it's one of my worst struggles.

I have a tricky time trying to realize that it isn't our mistakes that define us, regardless of who I'm thinking about, myself or others. I tend to be extremely tough on myself, and I don't always see that I mean more than how I've messed up. Because I am so tough on myself, I can also be somewhat tough on other people as well, though maybe not quite as bad. There are times when I know that I've had enough, but there other times when I've just been putting ridiculous expectations on people, events, occurances, everything.

Somehow our mistakes, and our accomplishments, have led us to where we are right now, this very moment. We've lived and we've learned. There is no going back. No undoing things that have already been done. No way to change what's already happened. None at all. No re-do's or do-overs allowed.

So sometimes, we're left pondering how we've gotten ourselves into such a big mess. How did we get here? Where did I go wrong? Or maybe you know exactly what happened. Maybe you know exactly where the turning point was, where your mistake, or mistakes, were made. Either way, it isn't fun knowing that you've messed up, and often times, we dwell on what we've done to the point of exhaustion. We let our anger at ourselves, or at others, eat away at us. It does no good.

There is so much more to us than the mistakes that we've made. We each have so much to offer the world, so much that makes us special and unique. Hidden talents, unveiled hobbies, different interests. Not one of us is the same, and we are in this world for a reason. We cannot spend our whole lives regretting, we'll miss out on so much, and the world needs us.

You think your mistakes are too big? That there's no way to get past them? That they are trapping you? Please, please think again. You are worth so much more than that miniscule mistake, no matter how big it seems to you. Acts 13:38 says “Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." God loves you, and He has already forgiven you. Don't close yourself into a box, but go out into the world, and be your precious self.

Now I'm in our secret place

Alone in your embrace

Where all my wrongs have been erased

You have forgiven

The quote at the beginning of this post is from the Skillet song "Believe" and the quote at the end of this post is from the Skillet song "Forgiven".

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

I've given up reading "The Knife of Never Letting Go". Though it has an awesome title, and I'm sure it's written awesomely (is that even a word?), it just wasn't my taste. I did buy the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson at my school book fair and read it in a matter of hours. "Speak" is an amazing book that I feel everyone can relate to on some level or another. It really makes you think, and ponder how you live your very own life.

I spent three entire English class periods at the school book fair before finally making my selections. I had heard raving reviews about "Speak" about two years ago, and I actually thought I might have read it already (I hadn't), but on a whim I picked it up from the table without even reading the summary. When I was finished making my purchases I was shocked, I had never been able to do that, never been able to just pick up a book and buy it. I always spend hours reading and re-reading the summaries, the reviews, analyzing what type of book I want to read at any given moment.

Throughout the three class periods I spent agonizing over which books to buy I determined that I wanted a relatable book, and not a book that was all sunshine and rose. I wanted something realistic, and something that wasn't an easy read, so I tended to avoid any of the books that looked too short. Now, "Speak" is not a long book by any means, but I never found myself bored. It was exactly what I was looking for, and I didn't even read the description.

A realization that I had while at the book fair, though, is that the book I've been looking to read for months has not been written yet. Though "Speak" definitely was amazing, and turned out to be perfect, it wasn't the exact book that I had been describing in my mind. I was looking for something that was mostly realistic (but maybe not completely), something that really challenged a person, something that was a higher reading level. A book where the main character has something that they need to overcome, or discover about themselves, a book that isn't necessarily happy the entire time, but a book that leaves you feeling empowered at the end of it. A book that I haven't been able to find.

So with this realization I set to work on my computer. I opened a blank Word document, iTunes, and babynamesworld.com in Internet Explorer. Clicking the shuffle button on iTunes I listened to the lyrics of each of the different songs, and hoped that inspiration would strike. I wasted about a half hour just sitting in front of the computer staring blankly, before giving up for the day. The next day I did the same thing, only this time, I actually came up with an idea.

Sometimes I like to write detailed outlines of a story out, other times I don't like to do any planning. This was one of the times in between. I planned out the two main characters, and had a pretty good idea of what the plot would be in my head, but other than that, there wasn't much planning that I did. I barely have a beginning, just under five pages, double spaced, but I have great plans for this story, and someday hopefully it'll be published.

I've always loved to read and write, but for some reason I had fallen out of touch with them for a while. When I finally read "Speak" and began writing this new story I remembered how much peace I find with words.

"The pen is mightier than the sword"

Words can do so much for someone. They can change a person's opinion, they have the ability to make a person happy or sad, they can empower or demolish someone. Reading and writing can be an escape, if you need them to be, they can be an alternate world to lose yourself in. Let literature scoop you up and entangle you within it's wonders.

Always remember what words can achieve, no matter what.

"The Knife of Never Letting Go": Pre-reading

Today, I finally checked the book "The Knife of Never Letting Go" by Patrick Ness. Intrigued by the title I picked it up off of the shelf about a year and a half ago to read the summary on the book jacket, not very hooked by it, I set the book back down carefully and left it be. Since then, many of my friends have told me about what a wonderful book it is, and that I should read it. Though the title really had me pulled in, the description of the book did not, no matter how many good reviews the book got. Once again it was a featured book on the shelves of my school library, and once again I picked it up, trying to decide if I should try it or not. On one hand, I'm an extremely picky reader, on the other hand, so many people had given raving reviews about it.

I decided to finally check it out, figuring that it couldn't be horrible, even if it wasn't my usual reading style. Plus, I really wanted to find out how the title, "The Knife of Never Letting Go," fit into the plot. Ever since I first picked the novel up, the phrase of the title had made me think. Never letting go can be as painful as a knife. It totally made sense to me, since that's one thing that I have a really big difficulty doing, letting go of my past.

I know very well how damaging it can be to try and live in my own memories, and never be willing to admit that most of them are just eras in the past now. It causes horrible feelings, and obvious pain. It is, in a sense, a mental, or emotional, knife. Holding onto everything we know can do no good.

So it is with high hopes that this book expresses some of those thoughts that I begin to read. I'll try to keep you all updated on my findings as I read through, but who knows how long it will take me to get through this novel. If I end up really liking it, I'll have read the entire book in two or three days, if I end up bored out of my mind, it'll take me two or three weeks to get through. So I guess it depends entirely on how much I like the book on how much I update about it. Feel free to join me in the reading of "The Knife of Never Letting Go" by Patrick Ness and add your own thoughts in the comments below!

Today, I am Alive

There have been whispers of Judgement Day coming this Saturday, and as I walked up from the bus stop today with my brother and another boy who might as well be my brother too we were kind of joking about it. Out of the three of us, none of us doubt that we'll wake up on Sunday morning, none of us doubt that our families will wake up, and none of us doubt that our friends will wake up. For a moment I had a flash of what it would be like if Saturday really is it. Don't you think we'd all be living our lives a little bit differently?

I know that I take my life for granted. To me, there are no questions about it, I will wake up safe, taken care of, and relatively happy tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and days and days, and years and years to come. But tomorrow could be it. Tomorrow could be the last page of my story. The last page of my story could be in just one second for all I know. Yet I take my life for granted.

So with these thoughts passing through my mind, my walk up from the bus stop took on a whole new meaning to me. That could have been the last time I ever walk up that hill, the last time I ever kick the wet leaves from the road. I set my mind differently, and I smiled with each step that I took, grinned as I took the mail out of the mailbox, and added an extra bounce in my step.

There's so much that I would do if I knew that tomorrow would be my last day. So many words I would say, so many people I would want to be with, and so many smiles I would give. I wouldn't want to leave this world without leaving my mark, and there are times when I know that I most definitely haven't done that yet. God gave me this life on earth to do something specific, to do His work, to live for Him, before the glorious eternal life I will have in Heaven. There is nothing that we can take for granted, because God had the power to give everything we have to us, and He has the power to take it all away.

So I'm going to start thinking before speaking, smiling before thinking, and listening before saying. I'm not going to regret, and I'm not going to watch life fly by without living it. If we all live like this, we'd all be so much happier, not to mention the wonders of the world that we'd all be living in. So join me in living each day as though it was our last!