Breathe, Just Breathe

In, out.
In, out.

I know, I know. There are times when life can seem so overwhelming, and you feel so lost in the world. Believe me, I know. That sense that you're in a race, and just inches behind the next runner, but no matter how hard you push yourself, you can't catch up. There's always something new, always another thing on that to-do list.

I find that I get trapped in what needs to be done a lot. I can't focus on the task in front of me, because I'm too worried about what needs to be done next, and after that. Then there's the added pressure of prioritizing. Does the homework assignment due tomorrow come first? Or does the outline for the huge project due at the end of the week come first? Add friends, and drama, and family, and other school work into the equation, and you're buried head to toe in things that you need to get done before you can sleep for the night.

You feel like you're drowning. You kick your feet, and you push at the water with your arms, but you just can't stay above long enough to take a deep breath. Yeah, life can feel like that sometimes. When you're going, going, going all the time, never taking a moment to stop and smell the roses, you feel lost and exhausted.

So let me tell you, it's time to stop. Breath in, and breathe out. Smell the roses. It is spring-time, after all, the flowers are blooming rapidly. For just a couple of seconds, forget about the long list of things that need to be done, and breathe, just breathe. Take the time to appreciate the wonderful person you are, and the wonderful gifts that God has given you.

Proud to be Imperfect

Okay, so I know that I'm about to write a major contradiction to one of my earlier posts, but just stick with me, and you'll understand what I mean.

I'm proud to be imperfect. I know that earlier I said that we are all perfect, and we are, in God's eyes. That doesn't necessarily mean that all other human beings see us as perfect, but honestly, I'm proud of my imperfections. I'm happy that I make mistakes.

For so long I did everything in my power, and then some, to try and be perfect. I was always responsible, always on time, always doing my best not to make mistakes. I never took risks, I was always staying within my comfort zone. But that weighs a person down. The constant making sure that I've done everything right, the constant self-scrutiny, the constant pressure to be perfect. Making sure not to hurt anyone's feelings, making sure that I keep myself protected from anyone who could hurt me. And I don't mean physically hurt me, because that is a GOOD thing to do. I'm talking about mentally or emotionally. I hid from everything, but not anymore.

We're teenagers. We are supposed to make mistakes. This is the time to be reckless and carefree, and do something crazy now and then. Trying to be perfect is too tiring, and no fun at all. It isn't a way to live, because it isn't really living at all. There is no possible way to learn all of life's lessons without making mistakes, there is just no way. We've got to be comfortable enough in our own skin to be able to pick ourselves back up after making a mistake, and saying, alright, it didn't work out right that time, so let's try this a little bit differently. So smile a little bit wider, laugh a little bit louder, flirt a little bit more, sing a little bit off key, and dance a little bit crazier.

We Are Family

Yeah, I know, I just got that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day, didn't I? Well good, it's a pretty nice song to be singing for a long time.

So today was a very...confusing day. But no matter, we learn a lot on the most confusing days don't we? Anyway, a lot was going on, and a lot of it could have pulled me and my friends apart a lot, or possibly have hurt one or many of us. Despite the challenges that we were being put through, though, we stuck together, and I'm extremely proud of everybody today. One of my best friends in the world said something this afternoon that made me smile stupidly for such a long time. I was so proud of her, our whole group of friends, and the amazing bonds that we share.

"Our group is a family, and we stick together through everything." It may seem like a simple statement, but it really was a sign to me during a really cloudy day, both literally and figuratively. Her comment was so true, and it made me realize how truly awesome our friendships really were. We protect each other and stick together through thick and thin, and that's how it's always going to be, no matter what.

I thank God so, so much for these people in my life. They hold me up through so much, and are truly gifts from Heaven. God has already given us the tools we need to get through so much in our lives, and we don't even recognize them most of the time. So let's take at least a few moments today to thank God for the amazing gifts that he has given us.

Untitled

This ice is becoming too thin to walk on,
and I don't think it's any fun anymore.
but somehow we have to get off without breaking through.

Perfection

Constantly, I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I need to have perfect grades, perfect organization, I can't have fights with my friends, I need to be a good friend to every one of my friends equally. And when I mess up it drives me insane. It's extremely difficult for me take a step back and take a deep breath most of the time, but it's something that really needs to be done.
For a while, I thought that I had everything under control, all of my ducks in a row, but then a lot changed. Suddenly I couldn't stop the wall of perfection that I had built around myself from crashing down, and it was terrible. I used to be the person who when hanging out in a large group of friends and something went wrong, everyone instantly put me in charge, trusting that I knew what to do.
Then, I felt as though everyone was walking on eggshells around me, carefully watching what they said, being cautious so not as to crack the calm facade that we all knew I wore. It was only in the past month or two that I began to fix things. Not necessarily gain the "perfection" that I thought I used to have, but pick up the pieces and start to put them back together. One night, I prayed the same prayer to God that I had been praying for so many weeks, maybe even months.

Why can't I be "That Girl" again? "That Girl" who always had everything together, who was always happy, who could always handle any crisis carefully? Lord, what happened to me? That's the person who you created. Not this.

It was as I sat on my bed that night, that God spoke to me again. He gave an exasperated sigh, and finally the message that He had been sending me throughout my difficulties (as well as my happiness, but it wasn't until life became difficult that I stopped hearing the message) came through loud and clear. It was as if God was saying, "Don't you see, Abby? I love you. There isn't anything that can be done to change that. I love you. I love you just the way you are. Why can't you see yourself clearly?"
And then I did. God opened my eyes up to the girl He sees when He looks at me. God doesn't see that breakout, God doesn't see that my hair isn't sitting exactly right. God doesn't see that mean thought I had anymore, God doesn't see the mistakes that I've made any longer. What God does see, is Perfection.
True Perfection, is not the perfect grades, great friendships, and the ability to know what to do in tough situations that I was striving for. True Perfection is trusting in God, and living for Him. True Perfection cannot be achieved in any other way than through God. God loves us so, so much, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life" John 3:16. You are loved. I am loved. We are loved.
God made each and everyone of us special, just the way He wants us. We need to remember that God does not make junk. During those times when we no longer believe in ourselves, when we no longer love who we are, we must realize that there is absolutely nothing that can pull us away from God's love.
Absolutely nothing.