Finding Perfect Peace

I started praying about peace in March, after taking a grueling midterm by which I felt trampled.  I've gotten significantly better at not finding my identity in test scores and grades since the start of this blog in middle school, but I am not perfect.  This class was a night class, meaning that we met only once a week on Monday evenings. 

The Thursday after taking the midterm I was walking around the quad, killing some time between lunch and my biology lab, praying about this exam.  I was so panicked, so frustrated, that this would be the black mark on my transcript, and I felt God asking me "So what?  So what if you didn't do well?" and I felt this peace fall over me as I realized that the score I received on that midterm really did not matter.  It did not matter in the sense that it does not define me or change me in God's eyes, and it did not matter in the sense that it would not impact my future unless it was part of God's plan.  If God wants me to be somewhere in the future, a poor midterm grade will not stop Him from bringing me there.

From there on out I saw signs of God's sovereignty and felt His perfect peace countless times, and so when I began a short devotional study that encouraged its readers to choose one word to focus on for a year, God gave me the word "Peace".  At first I thought this was great, I would no longer be filled with anxiety and stress on a regular basis, and I would find my rest in the Lord.  Then I realized that when God wants to change you, it isn't that easy.  It's easy to ask Him to take away worry and replace it with peace, but it isn't easy to find peace in conflict with those around me, or to have peaceful thoughts towards a driver who cuts me off. 

I remember a Bible study, several years ago, in which one of the leaders told my peers and I that she had been praying for more patience.  She shared that she expected God to give her greater patience, but instead God gave her a greater number of frustrating situations.  At first she fell into the frustrations and continuously lost her patience, then she realized that God was giving her these situations to practice being calm and patient.  Prayer and developing as a Christian is not a genie-in-a-bottle-your-wish-is-my-command relationship with God, it's one of continual development, guiding, molding, and shaping.

When I consciously began focusing on peace about a week and a half ago, I expected God to take away my stresses and show me how to find peace in Him, but He is showing me all kinds of ways to express peace, and bringing me into all kinds of situations in which I need to find peace.  Asking God to grow me isn't an easy process, but I am sure that it is worth it.  I had been focusing on Philippians 4:7, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus," but I needed to look to the verse before it, Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  God provides, but I must turn to Him and do my part as well. 

Peace is not just a feeling, but a way of living, and God is teaching me that through hands-on experiences.  I don't always succeed in these tests, in fact I hardly have thus far.  I don't realize that He's trying to mold me until after the fact, but I will grow, and He will lead me.  Is God calling you to grow in some area?  Choosing a fruit of the spirit to focus on is a great way to start: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it.

No Motivation? The King is Calling!

I don't post here often enough because, quite often, when I sit down to write the inspiration just doesn't strike.  I usually try to force some words out and put together the semblance of a blog post, but it all sounds unnatural and wrong, so I backspace and stare at a blank screen for a while before giving up. 

Sometimes this upsets me and throws me into moments of doubt.  When I started this blog I could feel God inspiring me all the time, sometimes several times a week, or even more than once a day, but it just doesn't come that way anymore.  Do I not pray enough?  Am I reading the wrong Bible verses?  Am I not listening for God throughout the day?  I panic.  Why doesn't this come easily anymore?

I'm beginning to find that motivation and inspiration for many things in my life may not always come easily, but I have to push through it and make it work anyway.  I have to write English term papers whether or not any of the works from class inspired a literary argument in my mind.  I have to find a way to push myself through a workout whether or not I have much motivation that day.  And I should sit down and think about how God is working in my life and the world around me and take time to formulate it into words even when it doesn't come easily.

This blog has been such a gift throughout my formative years, in that it caused me to think deeply about God's presence in my life and how He was working on me, and I am so blessed that He used it to not only help me, but to reach others.  Now is my time to be faithful to Him and continue listening and using this gift that He's given me despite His voice only seeming to be a whisper.

What gifts has God given you to further His Kingdom?  Are you using them to the fullest to serve Him and those around you?  God calls each of us to serve Him in different ways, and we must answer His call to us even when we lose the motivation and inspiration.  He is constantly calling you to something, even if it isn't what you want to do or be.  He's never going to let you waste your life.  If it feels like He isn't calling you to anything listener longer and harder.  I know that He's going to use you for something great, even if you have little motivation, desire, or even ability to do it.  He will provide.  He will call.  His Kingdom will be grown.