Forgiving AND Forgetting

I sat down to write this post yesterday. I had a very, very long post written out, but as I got to the end I began to truly think about what I was writing about, and I realized that, well, I didn't like the advice I was giving. Don't get me wrong, I totally and fully believe that this is good advice, but it wasn't advice that I was following until now.

Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer

Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

As much as I love that entire song, it's the quoted lyrics above that truly speak to me. That's what I've always struggled with. I never thought that I had an issue with forgiveness, but as I was writing the post, I realized that I was squirming as I tried to draw the line between just forgiving and forgiving and forgetting. I've always said that I have no issue forgiving, that I do it for my benefit. But I'm also a huge grudge holder. Therefore I've believed that I forgive people, but I don't forget what they did. Is that really ever true forgiveness though?

I mean, yeah, you can never truly forget what happened if it was a super big deal, but what I'm saying is that you need to be able to look past it. Which was where my forgiveness usually stopped. I don't really even know how I was able to say that I had forgiven a person when whenever I thought about them, or what they had done, anger would boil up in my mind. That, my darlings, isn't forgiveness. That is, in fact, lying to yourself.

As I wrote the post yesterday about how it was okay to just forgive, and not forget, sometimes, I tried to think about what forgiveness was then. Because it surely wasn't what I had been doing. My stomach squirmed as I tried to justify myself, tried to tell myself that it was okay. And I just couldn't do it. I wasn't looking past what had happened, and I truly couldn't forgive until I had.

But forgiveness was just too scary. What if my forgiveness was taken and snapped into two pieces? What if it totally backfired? What if what if what if? Right now, after taking that chance we call forgiveness, I'm laughing at myself. Forgiveness is worth that chance, because even if it does backfire, does it actually cause anymore harm?

I encourage you to take that leap of forgiveness today. Even if the person doesn't want it, forgiving other people will make you feel a whole lot better, because holding onto that anger takes so much energy.

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one."

~Henry Ward Beecher